How Can We Grow Together? 3 Tips to Build a Thriving Relationship

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How Can We Grow Together? 3 Tips to Build a Thriving Relationship

Adapted from Monica and Michael Berg’s Spiritually Hungry podcast. Listen and subscribe here.
January 29, 2024
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There is no such thing as a “stable” relationship – couples are either growing together or growing apart at all times, whether they realize it or not. We begin a relationship with one version of a person, a snapshot in time of who they are, but people and relationships are meant to evolve. We are not supposed to stay the same forever. The key to creating a fulfilling, thriving relationship is to commit to changing and growing, both as individuals and as a pair. The more conscious we are of the ways that we are changing, the more we can direct that evolution towards positive transformation that brings us together.

Here are 3 tips to build a growing, thriving relationship:

1. Make time to appreciate the power and beauty of your relationship.

It’s human nature to take what we have for granted and lose appreciation over time for the things that matter. Our lives are hectic, and we are pulled in so many different directions we sometimes put our relationships on the back burner. We think we’ll work on the relationship when we have more time or deprioritize the relationship to focus on other areas of importance. 

When we lose focus and appreciation, we stop giving our relationships the time, energy, and effort they require. Relationships naturally digress if not tended to, and we do not have unlimited time with our partners. Unfortunately, it can sometimes take losing a partner to regain appreciation for what we had. Reminding yourself how sad or lost you would be if you didn’t have your partner in your life anymore can help build appreciation for what you have now.

Make time on a consistent basis to focus on the power and beauty of all the relationships that you currently have and to awaken your appreciation.

2. Commit to improving yourself and creating change in your own life.

When having an argument or problem with a partner, most couples focus on that singular issue until it is hopefully resolved. While this is an important part of working on a relationship, the real fundamental issue most relationships face is that there are necessary changes both people need to make to improve the overall health of the couple. 

It's easy to make a list of the things our partners need to change in order for us to be happy, but we don’t often stop and think about the ways we need to improve ourselves for the good of the relationship. Once we reach adulthood, most of us see ourselves as being who we are, but the truth is that we are meant to keep working on and transforming into better versions of ourselves. Who we become in ten years should look very different than who we are now.

Creating the relationship you truly want means being willing to work on yourself individually and create change in your own life. If you are in a relationship, even if it’s amazing, it’s necessary to keep working on yourself to become a better partner. Ask yourself, “What are the things I need to change in order to be a better partner and make the relationship greater?”

3. Invite your partner to participate in the things that excite you about life.

Although individual growth is vital to creating a healthy relationship, it’s still important for us to invite our partners to be part of the journey with us. Often, one person gets excited about a new venture, whether it’s learning tennis, playing the ukulele, or studying spirituality, but they do it completely on their own. They start enjoying life, being curious and excited about new ventures, but never share it with their partner. We may think our partner won’t enjoy it, understand it, or appreciate it. The problem is that we then start building meaningful experiences outside of the relationship that start to drive separation. 

Many couples stop reaching for each other over time. It’s important that both people have individuality and personal things that give them joy, but if you are pursuing something new, make sure to at least invite the other person in. Likewise, pay attention to the times your partner invites you to participate in things that matter to them. It doesn’t mean that you need to have all the same interests or to do everything together, but at least strive to appreciate and show interest in the things that excite one another. 

When was the last time you invited your partner in? 

Relationships are a blessing because they show us the areas we need to work on within ourselves and give us the opportunity to transform in powerful ways that actually benefit us on an individual, spiritual level. This is why relationships are so important – they provide us with motivation to evolve and grow. Your partner is helping you discover the things you need to change for your own benefit. 

Take time to appreciate the beauty of your relationship, focus on your personal growth, and invite your partner to be part of the things that matter most to you.  To have a happy, thriving relationship where you give and receive unconditional love, choose to change and grow together. 

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