3 Steps to Stop Complaining and Start Appreciating

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3 Steps to Stop Complaining and Start Appreciating

Kabbalah Centre
August 16, 2018
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Have you ever noticed when you complain about something that’s bothering you, the problem seems to grow instead of shrink? Maybe you’ve had a long day and you’re complaining about work to your spouse. You hope that talking about your problems will make you feel better, but you somehow end up even more upset about them. It even happens in a group sometimes. Maybe you and your coworkers are complaining about the boss at lunch. By the time everyone is done eating, you are all in a bad mood and feel absolutely stuck in a hopeless situation.

"Everything in our lives comes directly from the Creator."

While it’s important that we open up and talk to people when we are struggling with something, we can often cross into the territory of complaining. When we complain, we focus on the negative of a situation, rather than the solutions or the life lessons. We may think we are venting our frustrations, but we are really giving energy to them instead. And the more energy we give to something, the stronger it becomes. This is why complaining is a major source of disconnect and chaos in our lives. It has the power to actually attract more negativity into our lives and intensify our problems.

So, what can we do when we realize we are starting to complain? How can we shift our consciousness?

1. Understand that complaining is disconnecting from the Creator.

If we believe that everything in our lives comes directly from the Creator, then we should understand that even our obstacles are gifts in disguise, meant to teach us something or push us in a new direction. Therefore, when we complain about our situation, we are actually complaining about the Creator, telling Him that we don’t like what He has put in our lives. The opposite of complaining is appreciating the blessings in our lives. This doesn’t mean we delude ourselves into believing that everything is always OK and that we don’t need to discuss when things aren’t going well. It just means we understand that even life’s challenges are a blessing, meant to transform us for the better.

2. Ask “why”.

Instead of complaining, a better approach is to ask the Creator, “Why did you send this to my life? What do you want to teach me?” When we do this, we open ourselves to the real lessons we are meant to learn, and it helps us find new appreciation for our circumstances. The same is true when something great happens. We can enjoy the experience on a physical level, but it’s important to also connect to the reason behind it, the true purpose, in order to enjoy lasting fulfillment. 

3. Take responsibility.

By complaining, we make someone or something else the cause of our misery. We believe that if that person acted differently or if our situation was changed, then we would be happy. This actually gives that person or situation an incredible amount of power over us – the power to control how we feel about our lives and in certain instances even how we feel about ourselves! When we recognize that we can control how we react to a situation and what we take away from it, we can see that the situation does not have to control us. It’s easy to blame other people for our misfortunes – it’s much harder to see that we have the power to rise above them. Of course, sometimes there are toxic people and sometimes we need to make changes in our lives, but these changes should come from a place of clarity, acceptance of the life lessons, and an effort to move forward.


It’s a natural impulse to complain. We all experience waves of appreciation and complaining. Sometimes we feel the Light all around us and see everything as a beautiful life lesson. Other times we struggle to see how any good could come from a situation. It is a constant process that we go through to find appreciation in all things. It takes an abundance of certainty that the Creator wants what is best for us. If we trust that the Creator knows what our soul needs, then we can move forward with more appreciation and less complaining.