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Published:
August 1, 2023
Originally recorded:
September 3, 2022
We’re still on self-parenting.
My message to you today is to have fun. Part of self-parenting is exactly that.
When was the last time you had fun? When was the last time you looked at the clouds in the sky and tried to find different people or shapes in them? When was the last time you rolled on the grass or went on a slip and slide? When was the last time you did something silly? Something you haven’t thought of doing since you were a child?
Kids are on to something here. They are looking for fun all the time. And as adults it is something we’re out of practice with.
So on this 11th day I’m asking you to have some fun. Be like a child and that is part of parenting yourself. Go and do the things that lit you up when you were little.
Yesterday, we established the importance of self-parenting and turning our supportive, nurturing gaze inward. As you have started opening your eyes to where you need to give yourself more attention and care, today I want you to think about how you can better self-parent. To frame our work, consider the famous quote by Hillel: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I? And if not now, when?”
Of course, we cannot ONLY be for ourselves, but in order to bring our best to others, we need to first be at our best. After all, we can’t give what we don’t have. Our job, Kabbalah teaches, is to transform the Desire to Receive for the Self Alone into the Desire to Share. But we cannot share anything if we entirely negate our Desire to Receive. We must show up for ourselves if we wish to also show up for others.
Yesterday, I asked you what it means to be a good parent. What does a good parent say or do? How do they support their children in different scenarios? I also asked you to pay attention to the nuances in your feelings during an average day (or week) and where you could use more care or nurturing.
Where are those “off points” we discussed yesterday? Are there places where you are feeling taxed, stressed, or otherwise compromised? Do you have too many obligations on your calendar? Are you playing therapist to a friend in a way that drains your energy? Is there another area of your life that feels out of balance—such as your job, home demands, or something else? And (taking a note from our mental well-being work), are you beating yourself up in ways that are unproductive?
Write a list of these 3 areas of focus in need of change. Use specific examples and real scenarios. (The more specific we are, the better our chance at achieving change.)
Think of anything you do to be that “good parent” for yourself. For instance, do you take a walk when you need a break from work? Are you building time into your schedule not just for exercise but for hobbies and interests as well? Are you choosing to surround yourself with positive, uplifting, and supportive people whenever possible?
Journal 1 or 2 new ways you could support yourself through the areas you mentioned above. Write down a list of 1 or 2 positive ways you already support yourself too, acknowledging what you want to increase in your life.
We are doing our best self-parenting when we are kind to ourselves… when we stop feeling bad about ourselves for whatever we think we did or said wrong... when we forgive ourselves and move forward with a new understanding of who we want to be.
Keep your answers somewhere you’ll see them throughout the day. You’ve taken a huge leap in becoming your own best parent. Congratulations! Tomorrow, we’ll hone in further on your plan, and I’ll give you more self-parenting tips to step into your new habits.
One of the great gifts in studying Kabbalah is that we become more aware of the energies around us. Each day, week, and month has its own unique energy with differing powers that inform us. This month of Virgo is one of the most consequential months of the year, full of the energy of deep transformation. Over the next 30 days, we will assess, evaluate, and rethink 10 of the most important areas of your life. First, we will look at what is working and what isn’t working. I will help you identify your desire – the thing that you really want for that area of your life–not the thing you only think you want, or think you should want, or what others think you should want. From there, you will make your plan. You’ll make it actionable, doable, and motivating. I’m so excited and grateful that you are all joining me on this journey to rethink, reframe, recalibrate, and re-energize your life.
