“Dear Monica, I am 59 years old and I have been struggling with the same issue all of my life. The issue is: Why did I never receive unconditional love? Both of my parents were physically and verbally abusive, I never married, and for some reason all the friends I made along the way used me, and then discarded me when I no longer allowed myself to be used. Why have I never received love in all my life? Love is the only thing I have ever wanted and valued, yet so far it has eluded me.” – Blima Cooper
To change your life you must first change yourself.
The desire for unconditional love is something that connects all of us, we all yearn to be loved and valued. You are not alone. I am sorry you have gone through these experiences of abuse and abandonment. I know it cannot have been easy for you.
I find it comforting – and perhaps more importantly, empowering – to know that everything we experience is designed for our spiritual and personal growth. While not always pleasant, our experiences are meant to shape us so that we can receive the many blessings that are meant for us. With this knowledge, we begin to see our challenges as blessings in disguise, or lessons from which there is much to be learned.
Yet, when we place our focus on “what happened to me,” we miss opportunities to learn and grow. The kabbalists say, “As above, so below.” In practical terms, this means that everything we see and experience is a reflection of our consciousness and our spiritual journey. Our external world is a reflection of our internal world. To change your life you must first change yourself, starting with any belief systems that are limited and misguiding you. Perhaps, you believe that you are not worthy of love, which simply isn’t true. We are all worthy of love. Your parents just weren’t capable of giving it to you. That is a reflection on them, not you.
Love is something the world could use more of, and yet there is an infinite amount of it that exists within each of us to give. Everything we do can come from a place of love. Love is the very essence of who we are. It is who we were created to be, and what we were created to share. We can strengthen all our relationships – romantic, family, business, or friendships –by infusing more love and care into all that we do. By loving others with an open heart we create the circuitry to receive love in return.
Most importantly, the love you seek must first be given to yourself. To love one’s self is one of the highest forms of spirituality, as it is an acknowledgment of everything the Creator has given you. The more we learn to love ourselves, the more we expand our capacity to give and receive love from others.
One kabbalistic tool for drawing love into our lives is meditating on the three-letter combination of Hey Hey Ayin. This is one of the 72 Names of God, and it is meant to help us to connect with our ability to give and receive unconditional love.
Thank you so much for your wonderful question, Blima.
Wishing you all the love in the world,