How Can We Keep Growing Our Relationship? 5 Tips to Create a Deeper Bond

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How Can We Keep Growing Our Relationship? 5 Tips to Create a Deeper Bond

Adapted from Monica and Michael Berg’s Spiritually Hungry podcast. Listen and subscribe here.
June 17, 2024
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A lot of the relationship advice that is available provides rules and guidelines for what a relationship should be or should look like. Unfortunately, this can create misconceptions about what a healthy relationship is and can lead us to focus on the wrong areas. A soul mate relationship is not about adhering to certain rules or checking off a list of traits but about working together to build a growing, thriving bond. Every relationship we have is meant to be constantly getting stronger and better, especially our romantic ones.

Here are 5 tips to strengthen your bond to create a growing, thriving relationship:

1. Commit to changing together.

Change is the law of life. We change every moment, whether we realize it or not. The strongest relationships are ones where both people commit to changing together.

Know that you are going to change and so is your partner. You aren’t meant to stay the same forever! Think about the ways you are changing now and what you want that change to look like in the future. Where do you think your partner might want to change or grow? Are you ignoring the ways they want to evolve because it’s uncomfortable for you?

The surest way to build a healthy, growing love istocommit to navigating those changes together and holding each other accountable for positive transformation.

2. Challenge each other to grow.

When we think of a soul mate relationship, we often envision feelings of euphoria and riding off into the sunset happily ever after. The truth is “happily ever after” is where the real work of the relationship begins.

A soul mate relationship is one that challenges you in meaningful ways. It pushes you towards the things that you want to become but are difficult for you. In a healthy relationship, both partners push the other to be the best version of themselves. It isn’t about changing the other person into something that is more comfortable or convenient for you but about helping them reach their amazing potential.

Opposition from your partner is there to help you grow and see the parts of yourself that don’t serve you. If change is necessary and inevitable, then opposition is your greatest motivator for that evolution. Relationships can force us to change in ways that are uncomfortable at first but ultimately can push us into the positive direction we are meant to go when it is met with mutual love and support. Ask yourself, “Is my partner pushing me to become the best version of myself that I want to become? Am I doing the same for them?”

3. Get to know yourself and face your baggage.

Most issues that come up in relationships are not because we don’t know our partners well enough but because we aren’t aware enough of ourselves. We are all a sum of our past experiences, both positive and negative. Get to know yourself so you can show up authentically in your relationship, capable of fully giving and receiving love. Face your baggage and prioritize working through it.

Here are some questions to help you start getting in touch with your inner self: How am I affected by the past? What have I seen that shaped a belief system that may or may not be true? What is my story? How do I feel about it? How have I reconciled it? How do I perceive myself? Am I carrying unnecessary baggage or telling a negative story about myself? What beliefs do I have around myself and relationships?

The more introspective and self-aware you become, the more you can build love within yourself. Through this, you can show up as your true self, communicating your needs and emotions to your partner in a way that brings you closer.

4. In an argument, look for the want behind the words.

The biggest relationship killer is a lack of communication. When couples fight, it’s usually about something deeper behind the situation. It’s rarely ever really about who forgot to take out the trash or what to order for dinner tonight.

When your partner says something that hurts you or makes you feel bad, look for the want behind their words.Pause and think about what they really are looking for in that moment. Perhaps it’s affection, empathy, support, or recognition. If you can get to what is deeper behind the words, you can traverse the current situation and strengthen your ability to communicate from a place of emotional intelligence.

5. Make having fun a priority.

Relationships are hard work, but that isn’t all there is! Laughter, levity, and fun are key to a thriving relationship. Without them, it’s hard to stay motivated to put in the work when the relationship gets tough.

Although it can seem difficult to find time for fun when our lives are so busy, it is so important to make fun a priority because that’s where real connection happens.

It’s everyone’s birthright to be loved and give love unconditionally. Every single one of us is meant to have a powerful soul mate relationship that continues to grow in joy and fulfillment. But it takes work to build a strong foundation and to continue to improve upon it.

By committing to changing together and pushing one another to be the best versions of yourselves, you show up for your partner in the most powerful way possible. Through learning your partner’s needs and triggers, as well as your own, you build a deeper, more authentic connection. And, of course, you can’t do it without some fun and levity! Relationships take effort but put these practices into action and see how your relationship is made all the better for it.


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