How Can I Renew My Relationship? 3 Tips to Get Closer to Your Partner

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How Can I Renew My Relationship? 3 Tips to Get Closer to Your Partner

Adapted from Monica and Michael Berg’s Spiritually Hungry podcast. Listen and subscribe here.
April 11, 2022
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The start of a relationship is exciting and full of discovery. We can’t wait to learn everything there is to know about the other person. But as time goes on, we start to lose that sense of wonder as we settle into familiarity. While getting comfortable in a relationship is certainly not a bad thing, it can sometimes lead us to stop growing as a couple. We may take our partners for granted, make unfair assumptions about them, or just feel stagnant in the relationship.

Here are 3 tips to renew your relationship and get closer to your partner:

1. Think of falling in love as a continuous process, not something that happens once.

Do you remember the instant you knew you were in love with your partner? Although this may be the moment when you first “fell in love,” the act of falling in love is not a one-time deal. Our relationships are meant to constantly grow and develop, and the act of falling in love is a continuous process that takes consciousness.

Especially for those who have been married for a long time, it can sometimes feel like a new exciting adventure is needed to rekindle the passion or love. But there is a way to revitalize your relationship without looking externally. It begins with the understanding that couples are meant to grow together and constantly discover new parts of each other.

2. Make fewer assumptions about what your partner thinks and feels.

The more time we spend with our partners, the more we start to make assumptions about them. We assume we know our partners so well that we don’t even need to ask them what’s going on in their heads.

The truth is that every person evolves and changes, and so do our motivations and intentions. Questions are powerful, while assumptions are insidious. When we don’t ask questions, we leave a lot of room for misunderstanding. We may create stories in our heads about our partners based on previous experiences that may no longer be relevant.

Unless you are constantly checking in with each other, you might be living together but not growing together. Rather than assuming you know your partner inside and out, instead assume you have so much more to learn about them.

3. Set aside time to discover something new about each other.

One of the reasons many couples are unhappy is that they aren’t making the effort to constantly learn (and re-learn) about their partner. Even in relationships that are going well, we are meant to be growing closer all the time. One of the ways to do that is by discovering new things, being tied to something deeper within your partner.

When we stop taking an interest in uncovering new things about our partner, we miss the opportunity to grow stronger and closer. Discovering something new about your partner can awaken closeness. Set aside time to get to know each other better. Try making a list of meaningful questions that are both fun and compelling. It is these conversations that are one of the great cornerstones of a love that keeps growing.

As much as we may work on improving ourselves, learning new skills, becoming more grounded, and striving towards our goals, we often forget that our partners are also evolving in profound ways. This presents an exciting opportunity to discover new parts of each other, just like when we first met. Falling in love with your partner is a repeatable, lifelong process that takes commitment, interest, and consciousness. The reward is a closer, deeper, and more fulfilling relationship.

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