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When we make a mistake, make a poor decision, or miss out on an opportunity, we naturally feel the sting of regret. We may wish we could go back in time and do things differently, or we might feel trapped by shame and guilt, unable to move forward.
On the surface, regret seems like a negative emotion. But regret, like every emotion, can be used to inform us and show us ways that we can transform ourselves into better versions of ourselves.
Here are 3 tips to use regret as a powerful tool for transformation:
1. Know that you are not meant to be perfect. Being flawed means there’s room for growth.
We tend to believe that we should strive to live our lives with no mistakes and no regrets. On the contrary, we are not meant to be perfect. If we were all perfect people, there would be no need to work, study, or put in any effort towards bettering ourselves. We are meant to be flawed and growing all the time. We are meant to make mistakes and have regrets. Not ones that cause us pain or prevent us from moving forward but ones that make us better.
According to the wisdom of Kabbalah, a person can never become a teacher unless they have first failed in that area. If a failure brings you towards growth, it is not a failure at all. It’s all leading upwards in the process of you becoming the best version of yourself. Mistakes are not negative, unfortunate events but rather beautiful parts of growth and elevation.
If we view life as a constant progression towards growth, then the lessons we learn from big and small mistakes are necessary for us to move forward. Not just so that we don’t make the same mistakes again but also to help us become better people overall.
Sit down with your regret, feel it fully, and then use all that energy and transform it into something to help you grow.
2. Have certainty that your mistakes led you where you need to be today.
Picture you are driving to work, running late for a big meeting, and you make a wrong turn. Now you are going to be even later. You feel frustrated and angry with yourself that you didn’t leave earlier, didn’t pay more attention to the road, or didn’t use your GPS. However, what you don’t know is that if you hadn’t made that wrong turn, you would’ve been involved in a fender bender that would’ve not only cost you more time but more money as well.
We never see the full picture of our actions. Our choices and mistakes have brought us to the place we are now, which is perfect, exact, and purposeful. We are exactly where we are meant to be. This doesn’t let us off the hook, of course. We are meant to learn from our mistakes and reevaluate for the future, but we can’t have clarity about our decision-making unless we fully accept that where we are right now is where we are meant to be.
Understand that your soul needed to go through that experience, even if it was painful or disappointing. Where you find yourself now is just where you need to be. It might not be where you wanted to be or where you could have been, but it is where your soul needs to be. Once you accept that, you can move forward with the information and lessons your mistakes offer, rather than the weight of regret.
3. Make your intention to learn from your mistakes.
Regret is a powerful motivator and tool for change. The most important part of life is learning from mistakes and experiences rather than trying to erase them. Sometimes we need the sting of the mistake or the burn of embarrassment to help us internalize the lesson.
You can change the way you experience regret so that it doesn’t feel heavy but rather like information. Use your regrets as data that inform your future decisions. Look back on your mistakes, not because you wish you were in a different place than you are now, but to inform your decision-making for next time you have a similar dilemma.
Think of the lessons learned from big or small mistakes as necessary. Try making a list of your failures, your setbacks, along with what you learned from each of them and how you can apply that going forward. When you learn from your regrets, you can get to a place where you show up for yourself, make better decisions, and grab more opportunities.
Regret does not have to be a reason to stay paralyzed from moving forward. Although it doesn’t feel good, we can use it to learn about ourselves and the world, informing our future decisions and helping us grow. Our mistakes and feelings of regret are necessary. Without them, we would be stagnant. They push us in new directions and lead us exactly where our souls need to be, even if that place isn’t always comfortable. Try reframing the way you think about your regrets and use it to fuel your future fulfillment.