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The purpose of our lives is to transform
ourselves so that we can receive complete and ultimate fulfillment. We
are here in this world to reach our potential and literally become like
God, with giving and sharing as the foundation of our being. Yet the
process of self-transformation is not something that happens on an abstract
or theological level; instead, it takes place between ourselves and other
people. Our relationships — especially those with the people to
whom we are closest — are the real opportunities we are given to
emulate the tolerance, sharing, and love that are the Creator’s
essence. These are the qualities that our relationships can teach us,
and these are the qualities we most need to learn if we are to fulfill
the true purpose of our lives.
Once we understand this, everything that takes place between ourselves
and others appears in a new light. Being in love — and opening
ourselves to an infinite range of shared emotions and experiences —
becomes much more than just romantic or exciting. On a far more profound
level, at the level of our souls, we are changing and growing. We are
literally drawing closer to God, and in so doing we are opening ourselves
to the fulfillment that closeness brings.
What’s more, it is not just the joyful moments we share that foster
this transformation; even hard times or points of conflict are opportunities
for positive change. In fact, the difficult moments we face are the real
opportunities that a relationship gives us. What seems to be a problem
is actually a gift: a chance to remove an internal obstacle that stands
between ourselves and the unlimited happiness that is our real destiny.
Too often our focus is on meeting the right person, on somehow discovering
that one-in-a-million human being who exactly fits our needs and specifications.
But Kabbalah teaches that this is putting the emphasis in the wrong place.
Becoming the right person — not finding the right person —
is the real key to loving relationships. What’s more, difficulties
and disagreements are without exception opportunities for us to become
that right person — to take complete responsibility, both on the
practical level of how we deal with conflict, and on the level of how
we see our lives as a whole. When we shift perspective away from "winning"
and toward helping those we love — especially when we’re
angry — anger immediately dissipates. This is not a miracle; it’s
simply the way things work at the level of positive and negative energies.
Just as darkness cannot coexist with light, conflict cannot remain when
you have a true intention to help and share with others.
If you keep experiencing the same relationship problems over and over
again, it’s because you haven’t realized where the real problem
lies. You’re still waiting for others to change without really
correcting the aspects of yourself that you need to transform. Making
this correction is a fundamental aspect of our spiritual work. There’s
even a Hebrew word for it: tikkun. Completing your tikkun is why your
soul is in the world in this lifetime. In fact, the Kabbalists explain
that souls come to the world many times in order to attain their spiritual
correction, and they will continue to do so until they finally achieve
the correction once and for all. Your closest relationships are the place
where your tikkun can really be completed — where you don’t
just find the person you were looking for, but literally transform yourself
into the person you are meant to be.
God created the world; God caused us to come into being. But now our
task is to become the cause in our own right: to emulate the sharing
essence of the Creator, and in this way receive the fulfillment that
the Creator desires and intends for us. This is the knowledge and the
wisdom that our relationships have come to teach us. And this is what
we must open our hearts to learn.
Call out quote: "It is nothing less than the reason the world,
as well as the universe as a whole, was created at the beginning of time."
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